It’s been a while, quite a while. No podcast since 6/24. No email sent since 6/27. I was sporadic with it all for over a month before those dates even. I’m in the midst of my own Midlife ReInspiration.
Nothing traumatic is wrong. No worries there.
But there is a lot hitting at once and it’s sent me into a cycle of growth. So much so that I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
ME…NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY?!!! Yeah, weird.
I knew I was working through biz stuff. Due to a few circumstances I canceled the live event. On top of a previous big failed launch I started, with good reason, going into now what mode. What do I want to create for you? Who do I want to help?
And, truth time, do I even want to help anymore? Yep, I hit questioning everything.
I knew that was biz and self growth hitting, but then over the weekend I started getting more clarity of what is going on and why I don’t know what I want to say.
Right now I have to go through multiple of my own processes to get through my own shit.
This is why it felt inauthentic to be selling workshops or recording podcasts. I’m in the midst of using all my own steps and I couldn’t come up ways to help others when I’m busy helping myself.
With the world opening up, relationships have changed immensely. Every one of us changed and found our priorities. Some embraced good changes, some went into the mode that they say whatever they want no matter how ugly it is.
The second was what woke me up over the weekend. I have not been around a truly toxic person in years and to have it be someone I care about deeply sent me over the edge.
I went into victim mode and went silent. I did get my wits around me and walked away from the situation on the last day of the visit.
If you read my chapter (13) in Get Past Your Shit (available at Amazon) then you know how I felt because I went right back to that same feeling.
And I didn’t like it. In fact I fucking hated it. It was the wake up call I needed that I haven’t been putting myself first. I’m 48 years old and no one gets to make me feel any way I don’t want to feel.
Being aware of it means now I get to make changes. I have the tools to make changes and figure out what I want. And I will, but I am choosing not to rush it all.
Which left me in limbo land here on the site.
What in the world do I do? What do I say?
As I was solo roadtripping home, it popped in my head to just go old school and start writing about what I’m going through. I started my first blog back in 2004 and back then it really was an online journal. It kept me (semi) sane while raising the kids lol So I’m just going to share what’s going on and we’ll see what happens.
Sharing is one of my DAMMIT’s and is why I have a podcast. Talking and sharing comes naturally. But typically I do try to come up with “lessons” or tips from my sharing.
I’m not going to be thinking it through that much as I share what I’m doing. I’m just going to take you along with me.
The main reason I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write or talk about for so long is the fact I need to get myself in better order. I need to practice what I preach. So anything I was coming up with was hitting me as hypocritical. I have big issues with anyone not doing what they tell others to do.
So here we go.
Big journey. Big growth. Where will it lead? Stay tuned to find out as I create my own Midlife ReInspiration!
Want to watch the first part of the journey? Like literally? lol I’m starting this big journey with the trip of a lifetime with my Dad to DC. Visiting everything Marine Corp and being his shoulder as we visit the wall. Yes, just the quick planning of this trip had me really thinking of how I want the rest of my years to be lived.